Where is the hope in this, crowd of indifference. Where is the truth if its not in my mouth.

This is incredible. By this, I mean my summer. I can't believe what I have the opportunity to do.

I have spent the last three days diving headfirst into Waco. I spent my Tuesday with the guys in my work group in the morning again and then in the afternoon I went to StreetCamp for the first time. Street Camp is a weekday afternoon thing that MW puts on in the playgrounds of the projects across the city. The workgroups lead a VBS-style lesson/craft/snack time and just play with the kids for a few hours. The group had the craft of making masks out of paper plates just for fun, and a seven year old wrote "ass" "ho" "b*tch" on his and thought nothing of it. The slides and playground equipment is covered in bad language and when the kids got side-walk chalk, some chose to write the f-word all over the ground. It is insane to realize that they hear that word more than anything from movies and adults. I spent a little time talking with MacKenzie who coordinates the childrens programs and she was telling me that this is there culture, plain and simple. They don't think the words are unacceptable and don't understand words I would commonly use. It is a completely different world with different morals and customs. I LOVE that I am learning this. I don't want to be ignorant OR disrespectful of someone else's culture. I had an amazing time.
I went on to Small group and Scripture reading as usual for Tuesdays. These week's Scripture readings were all from Psalms. And I don't have my sheet with me but the summary of the few verses were that God hears the cries of the poor and raises them up from their afflictions. I didn't feel comfortable and quite honestly felt pretty doubtful after reading them. I just don't understand the depths to the verses. Because there are plenty of crying poor, dying from their afflictions. I know its our role as the church to help in the edifying and reviving of the poor. And since for the most part we're not doing that great of a job, I know we are outside of the will of God. I dont know...I'm just working these thoughts out. I don't really like the church of today and I don't mean to be super negative and stereotypical anti-"church". I just think we are so selfish. This guy in small group called it "consumer christianity" where we go to church to "get" something out of it. Was it ever supposed to be that way?
Today, I had my last day with a few fellas from work group. It is SO interesting to be a part of the dynamics of a middle-class white youth/college group and then go to teach at the GED class among those that dont fit into that group, whether they're black/hispanic/poor/or whatever. It is a whole different mindset. I spent this morning trying to politely motivate three white middleclass guys ranging from 16-24 to mow/paint one of MW's transitional homes for men with addictions or transitioning out of homelessness. It is SO hard to not get an attitude when they are so openly resistant to just serve three days. Me and Emily, the other intern, that works with me on work groups just had to vent to each other our frustrations about the crazy youth groups and even more questionable youth leadership. Father, give me patience.
Went to the GED class for the first time and it EXHAUSTED me. But it was so good I could cry. There were probably around 10 people there this time. And I spent a lot of my time with a girl named Indya who by my guess was around 20. We worked on long division. Ummm, first of all, long division is hard to teach. I never want to be an elementary school teacher. Explaining basic math was so stinking frustrating. But after working with Indya for 2 hours and she left, the teacher told me that that was the longest Indya had ever stayed. That Indya told her that her mom called her 'stupid' her entire life and she doesn't even want to get her GED. She's completely unmotivated but only doing it because her brother is pushing her to. I could definitely tell in the beginning that she was SUPER shy to the point of unhealthiness. And from my time with her, I'm pretty sure she can't see well. So we worked on math and she opened up to me and started to grasp the ideas. I wanted to cry. I loved it. It's one of those times when you feel totally gratified.
And now I'm here at Common Grounds (of course), unloading all this.

Honestly, I don't know how I can communicate all the things I'm facing spiritually and mentally. I don't understand the institution of the church for the most part anymore. And most of the time, I feel overwhelmed by the poverty around me whether its poverty of resources, wealth, compassion or spirit. And I am so below the radar on everything, I'm in a state of confusion...all the time. I know all of poverty is not my burden, but it's daunting and where's my role in it all? My heart hasn't been broken completely for the poor yet, but it's twisting and churning quite uncomfortably.

We have our Poverty Simulation this weekend as interns and we're going along with some others from all over. [So no posts this weekend. Take a break. I'll be force to take one.] Still, top secret. Got no clue what's going to happen and I'm so stinking tired that I have got to get some rest if I'm going to get anything out of it rather than extreme crankiness and dirt.

Interesting Wacko-news:
1. People magazine is coming to Church under the Bridge this Sunday to take pictures. Why the heck is People mag coming? You've got me. It doesn't seem like their thing, but this is our 'poverty simulation' weekend and we'll be going to church on Sunday in whatever state we have gotten ourselves into since Friday. So...maybe I can convince someone I'm homeless, since I will have been for the weekend.

2. I found the Relevant article on CuB
Here goes:
http://www.relevantmag.com/features-reviews/reject-apathy/16569-bridges-and-trolls-the-church-under-the-bridge


Man, I'm tired. Sorry.
Thanks for reading, peace to you.